adventures in smiling at strangers (part three)

I smiled at an androgynous Sri Lankan woman in her early thirties today.

Wearing a pale blue tuque, and reading a novel (outside the building where I work) on my lunch break, we made eye contact as she came and sat down at the edge of the fountain next to me.

The smile she gave me was saying, "Okay if I sit here?".
My response smile, "Sure, it's nice here right now! I'm happy to share this space with you, nameless friend!"

As I continued to read, I became increasingly aware that I was still being smiled at.
I tried to ignore it, but I could feel the energy of the smile hitting me against the side of my face.

I continued to read the same paragraph of my novel over and over, not even aware of what the words were saying, but just being aware of the energy washing over me, under the direction of the woman's smile.

Using my peripheral vision, I stole a glance at the woman. She was unwrapping her lunch, but still she had this smile on her face, and her eyes seemed transfixed on me.

Turning my head toward her, I made eye contact again, but only for the briefest moment before she quickly darted her eyes away, but only her eyes. Her face was still pointed in my direction, still smiling, as her eyes looked out across the street.

I returned to the same sentence in my book and re-read it a few times, but my mind would not take in the words. I was too distracted. I could only be ever more aware of the strangeness of this smiling woman.
I didn't think she was amused. I didn't think she was giving any particular emotional response except that she was happy, smiling like some dishevelled backpacker who had found enlightenment on a 3 month trek in Tibet.

As she continued to eat her Steamroller wrap, I noticed that her smile dropped for a moment as she brought her food closer for inspection. Momentarily, she picked at something in her food, took a moment to classify the foreign object and then cast it aside with a flick of her hand, along with her look of concern. No sooner had her problem been solved than the smile swept back over her face.

We both sat there.
I, with book. Her, with lunch and smile.

As she wrapped up the final third of her Steamroller, she stood up at which time we made eye contact again. She lingered for a moment, her smile growing into a grin as I looked her in the eye once more. Then, without a word said, she turned about and walked away.

As I felt the warmth of her smile's energies drift away, I sighed with the same small enlightened smile on my own face and returned to my book and re-read the paragraph I had read more than ten times over without consequence,

"Martinis in hand, sitting on the balcony once more, the women took in the view of the bay in the fading sunlight. "Maeve, honey. You've got to go back there and get him! Give it everything you've got! You know what they say, Smile -- it's the second best thing you can do with your lips!""

adventures in smiling at strangers (part two)

I smiled at an extremely thin woman in her 30's this afternnon.

I was riding the elevator from the 20th floor. She hitched a ride with me from the 17th.

I smiled in shock as she wisped her emaciated frame into the elevator, trying to hide a slight gasp.

She smiled back, as though to say, "It's okay, I know I'm too thin. Now, I've had the decency to acknowledge it, so please look away and mind your own business."

I obliged.

adventures in smiling at strangers (part one)

I smiled at a middle-aged man on the crowded skytrain this morning.

The smile I used was a simple smile that I intended to communicate a feeling of identification, "Squeezy enough for ya?"

He smiled back as though he knew what I was saying "I know, tell me about it, freaking sardines in a can, Man!"

But then suddenly his smile dropped. Why?

Was it because he realized he was communicating non-verbally with a stranger and that's not done here in Vancouver?

Was it because I'm a guy? And he thought that maybe I was up for a bit of wink-wink, nudge-nudge, how's ya father, boom-chicka bow-wow? Ummm....NO, actually! Not even at 7:30am on a crowded Skytrain.

Was it because he looked into my eyes? Looked into the window to my soul, and he saw something he didn't like. Was my smile the thing that caught his attention, but did my eyes reveal something that made him uncomfortable? Did he see something about me that I can't see?

How do I feel when someone smiles at me?

In a cafe or a bar, I might find instant joy, smiling back flirtatiously, or otherwise with a look that says, "Thank you for your feedback. We appreciate you taking the time to smile, but currently we have no positions available for you. We'll keep your smile on file, for at least a while, but you need not smile again. We'll smile at you if any opportunities arise."

On a train or bus, my reaction might be completely varied. "I see your smile, but I am not acknowledging it, because although I may be basing my judgement completely on face value, you look like you could be a freak, and God forbid you should talk to me." Other times, I might react completely the opposite, smiling back and hoping that the opportunity for conversation begins.

[Pause]

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6....

Counting is easy in the low numbers....

67, 68, 69, 70....

see it's easy....

110, 111, 112, 113, 113, 113....

damn...got distracted by a noise upstairs...where was I?

111, 112, 113, 114, 115...

what was that noise anyways? Such a loud clang and a bit of a laugh. Wonder if it was the cute guy? What was he doing? I remember the other day when...

OMG...I forgot what I was doing...okay that's it, I'm going out for a walk.

(Counting my steps as I walk) 245, 246, 247, 248, 249, 250...

now I've got my groove on....

436, 437, 438, 439, 440, 431, 432, 433, 434...

didn't I already count the 430's? man...

497, 498, 499, 500....thank God I'm half way there...

(Aside) My attention span is so short, especially when it comes to repetitive activity such as counting. I was almost defeated by the challenge to count to 1000 in a single sitting...I tried several times, getting to less than 200 before being distracted by things that are no more important...

687, 688, 689, 690, 691...

Meditating is far easier. Closing my eyes, sitting under a tree in the park, focussing...

836, 837, 838, 839, 840...yawn....

keep it going bucko, step it up, you're almost there...

891, 892, 893, 894, 895...

just over 100 to go, oh PRAISE THE LORD!!!

967, 968, 969, 970, 971...

oh yeah, who's your daddy now 1000?

997, 998, 999, 1000!

Give it up for me, people! I did it!

Some observations....

ONE THOUSAND is a crazy, huge number. I hope I never have to count to 1000 again, let alone something greater (watch me slink away at the thought of counting to 10,000 or 100,000!)

Getting to 1000 is fraught with obstacles. Just counting it is difficult, let alone to try and save 1000 dollars or walk 1000 miles. Even 100 is seemingly larger when you count it out loud, focussing only on the numbers.

Like watching the minutes tick by to the end of my working day, counting to 1000 was a painful experience, seeming to take forever, when the reality is, that it took only about 20 minutes.

I am a person with issues of stamina, focus and drive...I should count to 1000 regularly for my own self development...but I won't!