adventures in smiling at strangers (part one)

I smiled at a middle-aged man on the crowded skytrain this morning.

The smile I used was a simple smile that I intended to communicate a feeling of identification, "Squeezy enough for ya?"

He smiled back as though he knew what I was saying "I know, tell me about it, freaking sardines in a can, Man!"

But then suddenly his smile dropped. Why?

Was it because he realized he was communicating non-verbally with a stranger and that's not done here in Vancouver?

Was it because I'm a guy? And he thought that maybe I was up for a bit of wink-wink, nudge-nudge, how's ya father, boom-chicka bow-wow? Ummm....NO, actually! Not even at 7:30am on a crowded Skytrain.

Was it because he looked into my eyes? Looked into the window to my soul, and he saw something he didn't like. Was my smile the thing that caught his attention, but did my eyes reveal something that made him uncomfortable? Did he see something about me that I can't see?

How do I feel when someone smiles at me?

In a cafe or a bar, I might find instant joy, smiling back flirtatiously, or otherwise with a look that says, "Thank you for your feedback. We appreciate you taking the time to smile, but currently we have no positions available for you. We'll keep your smile on file, for at least a while, but you need not smile again. We'll smile at you if any opportunities arise."

On a train or bus, my reaction might be completely varied. "I see your smile, but I am not acknowledging it, because although I may be basing my judgement completely on face value, you look like you could be a freak, and God forbid you should talk to me." Other times, I might react completely the opposite, smiling back and hoping that the opportunity for conversation begins.

[Pause]